i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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