everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
