I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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