I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
