so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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