My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
