she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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