i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
