More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
