So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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