This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
