what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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