White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
