i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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