I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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