i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
