The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
