I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
