I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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