you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
In America we eat man semen.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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