It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
