he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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