i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
