You made me cry and you don't even care
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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