there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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