so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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