Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
