you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
