I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
