Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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