it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
