We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
