I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize