4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
