6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
