shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
