i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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