My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
