fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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