bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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