So drunk its hurt
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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