I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
