No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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