wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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