I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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