She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
