Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
