I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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