I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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