yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
