hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize