Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
