Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
