So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
