Who wears a wallet chain?!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
being pregnant is like rehab
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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