just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i drank out of a bidet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
